If you do not want to be offended by people, then the first thing to do is not to assume that they are trying to offend you.
Below are some examples.
Myth: I am a man who likes to buy pantyhose in shops, but the female clerk said that men should not wear pantyhose. She is controlling me of what and what not to wear, so I am offended by her comment.
Fact: If a clerk said that men should not wear pantyhose, do not take offense. She is just stating her opinion of how men look in pantyhose. Her point is that if a man wants to be attractive to women, then men should not wear pantyhose. If that is not the case, and you have another reason to wear them, then she will likely respect your decision to wear pantyhose.
Most men nowadays wear clothing which look cheap, tacky, or mismatched. Thus, women will believe that most men do not have a "sense of style." Therefore, many women want to help men by giving them advice of what they should or should not wear. Their intention is to make sure that those men would not feel embarrassed if they wear clothing which looks tacky to women. Therefore, it's safe to assume that the clerk is actually helping you by stating her opinion of what you should or should not wear. (If the clerk is selfish, then she would not give her honest opinion of how horrible men look pantyhose. She would be too afraid to lose her job.)
Whether her opinion is right or wrong, you should not take offense to it. I do understand that fashion trends change, and men had worn tights and skirts in the past. It is possible that tights may lose their association with femininity in the future, which would thus make tights acceptable to men. However, this is 2011. At this time, women do not find tights attractive to men, and that is what she meant in her opinion. Please do not take offense.
Myth: People laugh at me when I purchase pantyhose for myself, because I have a fetish for them.
Fact: If a clerk laughed at you for purchasing tights, it still does not necessarily mean that she thinks that you are actually purchasing them for yourself. The fact that she is laughing at you does not reflect what she really thinks of you.
Think about that way: Let us say that you are in high school, in a class. The teacher said something which can be interpreted as a sexual innuendo. However, all of the students did not realize that what the teacher said can be interpreted that way. Eventually, a student realizes that, and reminds the whole class by telling a joke that what the teacher said can be interpreted as a sexual innuendo. The whole class laughed at that joke.
The fact that the students laughed does not actually mean that you believe that the teacher had actually intended to say something sexual. The fact that you are laughing suggests that the teacher's words can be perceived as sexual. In other words, your belief of what the teacher actually is and your belief that he has said something which perceives to be sexual, is incongruent with reality. That is what makes us laugh.
Laughter is a mechanism to relieve tension. For example, suppose if someone is pretending to be violent, when in fact, he is just doing it for a prank. If you know that it is a prank, then you will laugh uncontrollably. That is because what other people perceive him is incongruent with reality. In this case, he is perceived to be violent when in fact he is just doing a prank.
This incongruency is what triggers our laughter. Let us go back to the laughing clerk example. If the clerk laughed at you, it does not necessarily mean that she really thinks that you have a fetish. She could have laughed because you can be perceived as a fetishist by other people, even if she, herself, believes that your are purchasing them for your girlfriend. The incongruency with the perception of you and what the clerk really believed is what triggered her laughter.
Myth: I know I am a 17 year old boy buying panties but I dont get why the women tease me. One woman at at sears told me to "enjoy" and at another time the women look at each other and giggled. I have also heard "have fun". The women usually kept me at cash longer than I know I need to be. They make a show of not having enough change or needing to check prices Last night at La Senza the sales girl said "Aww, have fun cutie". Why do they always tease me?
Fact: Ignore the "enjoy" or "have fun" comments. Maybe they are not teasing you, and that is just their habit to say "enjoy" and "have fun" to all their customers, not just you.
One female cashier called me "sweetie" even though I was not buying any women's clothing. I think it is a habit for cashiers to call people "sweetie", "cutie", and "honey."
Once I was buying stuff from a store, a female cashier called had me "sweetie." I was waiting at the checkout counter, but she realized that she did not have enough change. She went out and took change, so I waited patiently. After she got the change, she realized that I was waiting patiently, so she called me a "sweetie" probably because I was patient for waiting.
I think that's what happened when the La Senza sales girl said to you "aww, have fun, cutie." You waited patiently for her to have change and to check prices. She thought you were nice waiting patiently for her to took change and check prices. She then called you "cutie" because she think that it is cute that you waited patiently for her to check prices.
Also, see that she said "aww, have fun, cutie." She said "aww" probably because she thought you were buying them for their girlfriend. That is what she said it.
So this explains her comment "Aww, have fun cutie." She is not making fun of you, she just thinks that you were nice for waiting for her to check prices, and she also thinks you were nice for buying them for your girlfriend.
Buying lingerie for your significant other can be one of the most romantic things you can do. It's an intimate gift which, if you get it right, shows you really care, really do understand her and have put the effort in to really think about a gift they will like.
Yes, there is still a small possibility that she was making fun of you rather than a genuine compliment, but the chance is small. If she really had the guts to make fun of you, then she would risk being fired from her job. Thus, it is safe to assume that her comment was a genuine compliment for you waiting patiently and buying them for your girlfriend.
Also, you should realize that being called "sweetie" and "cutie" happens a lot to young people. Young people are being called "cutie" or "sweetie." If you look young and feminine, then that is probably the issue. They are calling you "sweetie" and "cutie" because you have a baby face.
Maybe you are just nervous about buying panties, so you respond to it by judging people negatively. Calling you to "enjoy" and "have fun" does not necessarily mean "teasing." It could just be a habit of them calling all customers like that, as I said above.
Have you had much experience purchasing any other stuff besides panties? Do the cashiers there also say "enjoy", "have fun", and "cutie" to you when you purchase men's clothing instead of panties?
If you are not sure if they are teasing you, ask them. But please do not take their words with the intent to "tease you" or to "embarrass you."
The general principles of how not to be offended are:
- Do not confuse constructive criticism with "hate."
- Do not confuse constructive criticism with "attack."
- Do not confuse constructive criticism with "control."
- Do not confuse constructive criticism with "one-upmanship."
- Do not confuse ridicule with "attack."
- Do not confuse ridicule with "judgment."
- Do not confuse ridicule with "lack of sympathy."
- Do not confuse giving one's opinion with "arrogance."
- Do not confuse the lack of apology with "blame."
- Do not confuse the act of saving face with "excuse."
And so on...
Yes, some of those above principles seems to be the reverse of what is taught in Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People
and Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
. These are great books, especially the second one, but I am learning of how not to be judgmental towards people. All of those principles are derived from me observing conflicts at Internet blogs, message boards, Q&A websites, and opinion articles over the years.
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